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New Zealand v England Cricket Tour 2013
Jim Gordon's Poems

Howzat Traveller Jim Gordon has a talent with words, and he summed up the test matches in New Zealand with a series of wonderful, eloquent poems!



Done in in Dunedin

From the first ball bowled of the Dunedin Test
The England team have been second best
Its like they’ve never held a bat before
Didn’t know what their willow was for
The only players who’ve had a clue
Were Jimmy & Finny who both scored a few
Apart from Trotty who held up his end
Until his obituary was sadly penned.

Okay we knew one six seven was a joke of a score
But we have seen our bowlers do the stuff before
We’ll knock em over by the end of the day
And then its back in to bat and we’ll blow them away
If that was the plan it worked a treat
Well, it would a done but firstly you’ve got to compete
Which they didn’t so now so now their chewing the cud
With balls flying past of the kiwis wood.

So at the close of play on match day three
It looks we are consigned to history
Unless a miracle happens with a blackcaps collapse
Or the heavens do decide to turn on the taps

Its fair to say we have looked underprepared
But this being kind because
At the end of the day its all in the mind

England haven’t had their game head on
They’ve looked all done in
You would be lucky to get 100 to 1 on an England win

But wait a minute we have got the runs
I mean, Compton & Cook have scored the tons
And even a fifty from Fin should see us safe and sound
Happy with a draw
And sound as a pound

Jim Gordon (c) - March 2013



Givin' It Some Welly

The Blackcaps won the toss,
then put us in on a decent wicket,
they must have had an idea
that England were going to brick it!

Cook went cheaply
but Compton and Trott
mastered the pitch
with shot after shot after shot...

When Compton was out he'd another ton to his name
while Trott was in the groove and he got just the same;
then for good measure he scored a further twenty one
got a first-baller next day and said, " Over to you, son!"

So in came KP next to inflict more misery
and managed to fluke his way to a useful seventy-three.
Prior was Prior dominating the play
and together with Stephen Finn put the Kiwi's plans into disarray.

Four-six-five was our final score,
surely the Blackcaps couldn't take any more,
cos Jimmy and Finny were both expected to shine
but it was Broady who lorded the bowling this time;
at the Basin Reserve Broad puffed out his chest 
and took out six Kiwis with six of the best!

Skittled out the Blackcaps ended up following on,
any chance of a win for them surely now had gone;
and yet in New Zealand like at home it tends to rain
flushing England's prospects down the bloomin' drain,
and by the fifth day of the Wellington test
the merchants of doom must have been very well impressed.

So another drawn game
now it's up to Auckland and we hope there is no hitch
with more torrents of pouring rain
and ducks all over the pitch!
( except for the Blackcap batsmen)

Jim Gordon (c) - March 2013



Awkward in Auckland

To the Third Test now where rugby's played
in a wonderful purpose-built stadium
but our cricket's still as lame
as a one-legged dame
starring in panto at the Palladium!

The Kiwis said if they won the toss
without hesitation they would bowl;
when Cookie guessed right
his decision was wrong
cos I think batting was right all along.

You could see the wicket was a ' dropped-in dead'un'
and the Kiwis knew they'd make hay,
with flourishing bats
and a dearth of howzats
our prospects were decidedly grey...

And so it was the Kiwis scored runs,
and runs, and runs, at will,
if we'd have bowled all week
even at our peak
there'd still ' be trouble at mill'.

When the Blackcaps got bored of scoring runs
they declared at four hundred plus;
the way things had gone
we'd be following on,
it was time to get back on the bus!

And yet we had a reprieve,
just couldn't believe
that McCullum didn't ask us to bat,
but just for a larff
we'd a day and a half
to stay in and that would be that.

Things didn't go well
until Root and Bell
steadied the ship once more;
they weren't exactly going great guns
before, and excuse the pun,
Root was uprooted leg before!

When Jonny Bairstow was out
for virtually nowt
and Broady came to the wicket
though Prior was bullish
and nearly fell to a fullish
the Kiwis were sure they'd the winning ticket....

What the Kiwis had bargained for though
was Matt Prior's consummate flow
of runs from his bat
while Broady just sat
geared up for the Alamo!

A sudden collapse
nearly turned on the taps
with tears shed galore
but didn't Prior and Monty prevail
to get us out of jail
and bail us out with an honourable draw!

Jim Gordon (c) - March 2013



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